on Jamaica Kincaide
inbetween I’m not going to tell you everything you need to do in life, just let me tell you what you must not; you owe the world androgyny; talk to the family you hide yourself from, acceptance is earned by compliance; you don’t exist, just categorize yourself as a woman; corrupt the pronouns I’m already used to, make an English major cry; god made you one gender, be comfortable in the natural masculinity we made for you; open your phone, you’re obsessed aren’t you?; cry over words, you’re no man; you were born to be one; talk back, keep your angst and anger for what you think’s wronging you, you’re no woman; you were born to be one; it’s that damn phone that stole your mother’s child; get yelled at for opening Twitter, your dad would never call it X; that’s what we named you, that’s your name; get called a slur on your first post, bitch online- you’re a snowflake, bitch aloud- you gossip. Drive your Subaru to work, isn’t it your last week?; queers can’t hold jobs; apply to the other cafe around the corner on your last break, who else would hire someone who looks like you?; take that same car back home, pass five straight couples and dream about being cis and heterosexual, have you tried conversion therapy?; cut through the parking lot of your favourite tattoo shop, wave, you know everyone in there, patron and staff; blast nu metal and new wave before you walk in the house; hear your deadname revived, what once was a biblical miracle is your daily occurrence; redo a vibrant box dye on the hair fought tooth and nail for; walk out to a disapproving council; get counseled, this is for attention, your act of rebellion, no?; hide up in your room, take your pills, your injections, your patches and gels; yes, suppress sex hormones and replace them, that never will change who you really are, who are you to know about yourself?; don’t dare tell them that the hormone replacement you take is just alike the birth control men made for you, the steroids they pump for their own identity issues; your father’s Facebook complains about gender affirming care; here’s how to mutilate your genitals; this is how to put makeup on a man, but it won’t fool me, we can always tell; learn how they cut off their chests; look at the next victim, are they a student, are they your age?; watch him repost an attack on a local teacher, is your profession safe?; keep your mind off of them sexualizing and fetishizing your being, it’s your fault for being one, won’t you find it selfish to be seen by them as more than a pornographic category?; listen to your parents, hither to their call; let them resurrect again; that is not my name; you best see yourself out for the night, you won’t be welcome back.